About Pandas

Found this one online and had to save it since even my tinder profile once said: “I mostly think how pandas ever survived evolution”. So this is all quoted, original source: https://imgur.com/gallery/kelJ5HV

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Lastly, we come to the most popular requested idiot of them all

 

Giant fucking Pandas.

 

Native to south central China, these dumbass pieces of shit grow to about 4 – 6 ft (1.2 – 1.9 m) long, stand 2 – 3 ft (60 – 90 cm) tall at the shoulder, and weigh an average of 220 to 254 lb (110 – 115 kg). But none of that matters because they’re all going to die

 

Even though they belong to the order Carnivora, meat eaters, these fat retards choose to eat bamboo. Their stomachs are not designed to process bamboo, but do the Pandas care?

 

Fuck no

 

They get so little nutrients from bamboo that they need to eat up to 40 lbs of it a day, and even then they barely have the energy to do God damn anything. And thanks to the bamboo diet these asstards stick to, they’re ALWAYS SHITTING

 

Up to 40 times a day, Pandas can be found laying around shitting all over themselves like the homeless in San Francisco. But unlike the homeless, Pandas don’t enjoy plowing each other in broad daylight.

 

In fact, Pandas basically just refuse to bang each other entirely, which is now their BIGGEST THREAT AS A SPECIES. Scientists got pissed at their stupid abstinence and started giving them Viagra and even made fucking PANDA PORN in attempts to get these losers laid, and they STILL say nay to the ex-say.

 

Most of you have probably seen all the videos of Pandas dipshitting around their enclosures in China. They roll and fall off of shit like 4 year olds while the handler chases them around trying to prevent them from killing themselves. This isn’t a rare occurrence, they do this 24/7

 

A group of Pandas is called an embarrassment and most people find that fitting, but I don’t think it goes far enough. Know what REALLY describes a group on Pandas?

 

A tardsquad

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